This recent study was full of academic jargon and psychobabble, I rewrote it. (If you want to read the original, the url is at the bottom.)
Definition: A backburner is a someone you are not involved with but want to be. You maintain communication by text or email or facebook or even skype. That keeps the possibility of romantic/sexual rolling along. From an evolutionary view it makes a sense. ALL women do this and some men. More in a minute.
A 2007 study found love motivates people to shut down other options. This is consistent with research that suggests people in relationships don’t pay as much attention to others.
With all this as background, Dibble reasoned people in committed relationships would keep fewer people on the backburner. What surprised him was there was no significant difference between the number of backburners kept by people in relationships, and the number kept by single people!
All this study really showed is most people keep some alternatives on the backburner. That’s not a new phenomenon: “In the old days it was called keeping people in your little black book,” Dibble says.
Steele says ALL WOMEN DO THIS no matter what type of relationship they are in until they die! Experienced men do the same. Usually it takes men two shitty relationships before men realize it’s a good idea to have a back up plan!
Bad news. Every guy in my program who has limited or no dating experience drops contact with all females Once he finally starts dating a woman. That’s dating! She’s not even his steady, his girlfriend or fiancee! Of course it never ends well!
The real world reality of this phenomenon is explained with brutal honesty in Relationship with Dream Girl and in Date Young Women Volume I and II.
Excerpt from Relationship with Dream Girl
The Biggest Mistake
Here are some short excerpts from previous books in the Dream Girl Series. See if you can figure out what the blunder is.
Pearls? Girls or women you are courting but not yet dating. If you’re only working on one woman, you tend to try too hard!
Three pearls, at a minimum, four is better. It helps maintain The Right Attitude.
That is why Don wants you to go thru coffee, lunch, pizza and beer first. And he wants three pearls so you do not go overboard with one YW!
Yes, you’re just one of many guys on her string of pearls! Desirable women have strings of pearls 20 pearls long or longer. The more desirable she is, the longer the string!
Before we get into second dates . . . about being relaxed and confident! Increase both with a String of Pearls. A bigger benefit, any woman can tell when she has competition so she tries harder!
You guessed it! He drops all his pearls! Why? We all, me too, grew up with a fairytale that there’s One and Only, Always and Forever! Naive men like I was, become “honorable and faithful” and stop courting other women once they are in a relationship.
Bad news! All women have a string of pearls unto death! Most women have “platonic” male friends forever. Many have a secret man or two they continue to communicate with after the wedding!
The longest string of pearls Dream Girl has is made up of the men who continue to chase and court “your woman”. They even do that after she has your engagement or wedding ring on her finger! Shocking? Yes. Will it stop? No.
Dream Girl wants you to have The Right Attitude forever. Without a string of pearls The Right Attitude disappears! Figure out what happens after that! It’s not pleasant!
Do not tell her you have pearls. A few guys from the Steel Balls Discussion Group, have ìconfessed” because they felt guilty. The end! You are not cheating on her. You are doing the same thing she’s doing! Lest you forget:
At a recent workshop the T-babes kept nodding their heads vigorously and knowingly when I was spewing my mandate to have a string of pearls.
A guy asked why they were smiling and nodding. Sunny said, “We all do the same thing! We all do it, all the time, from age 12 and even when we have boyfriends.” She looked at the other two, who chimed in, “Yes!”
All T-babes since 1999 have been stunned that 22-62 year old men don’t know what they, as females, consider tribal knowledge. To them it’s automatic as well as necessary for survival in their world where to be without a boyfriend is the ultimate failure.
Prevent the Biggest Mistake! Keep your pearls and always add new ones. Even more important, the next chapter is Flirting Is a Way of Life!